unbenign-speculation

The stories presented here are true. The identities have been altered*.

I was going to just list a bunch of short hypochondriac stories today but I realized that a) I have too many stories to get out in one post  b) I’d like to add more selection to our ‘series’ section for you future perusers to enjoy.

I’ve come up with a bunch of fake series titles in past posts that I had no intention of continuing, but “HypochondriACK”(tm) is close to my heart. Because I am a hypochondriac. At least I think I am. I’ll worry about anything. Give me a thing right now and I’ll worry about it. My self diagnosed hypochondriasis is so bad that I worry anxiously about how bad of a case of hypochondriasis I have. That’s gotta be meta-anxiety.

I blame my overactive frontal lobe and occasional minor muscle fatigue**.

The human brain, in the wrong hands***, can be a dangerous tool. Originally developing powers like imagination for survival purposes, the brain now has the ability to conjure up an infinite amount of novel scenarios, sometimes (most times) against your will.

About a decade ago if you had a bit of an ache, odd feeling, or just couldn’t remember whether that mole was always there, you’d have to ignore it or go see a doctor. Luckily those days are over. The luxury of looking up every vague symptom and finding the plethora of horrid conditions associated with them has resulted in Cyberchondria–the Worrywart Enabler! Thanks internet! I took advantage of this wealth of information until I couldn’t function. Lesson learned, I never look up symptoms anymore, and neither should you. I go straight to assuming cancer and get it over with.
Joking aside one thing I have learned from my occasional worrying is the amazing power of the somatoform disorder. I’ve experienced what I thought was genuine increasing pain evaporate upon being told I was fine by a professional. As if by magic. If they stuck a pin in me while doing so I might have even believed in acupuncture!****

 



avatar-maki-leftAnnouncement: Tomorrow is Sci-ence.org’s birthday! Hooray! It seems like only a year ago I was commenting on the hype surrounding the abysmal arsenic life announcement. Now look where it got us.

I will be at Peculier Pub in Manhattan celebrating this glorious birthday tomorrow evening. So if you’re in town, drop on by. If the bar looks crowded, it isn’t because I’m super popular (though I am), rather it is because Bora Zivkovic’s NYC Sci Tweetup is at the same time and place. Works out great for all of us. Cheers!

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This post was brought to you by Niobium (Nb).

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*not for protection, but because I’m tired of drawing myself.
** How many young people have to use BENGAY before it stops smelling like old-person?
***my hands
**** no, I’m kidding again. Acupuncture is lolscience.