Who, me? Branch into politics? What could go wrong?

After hearing a piece on NPR about the common tactic candidates will use to dodge a question, I decided to watch the debates (which I normally ignore as pointless posturing) to see if I could wring some juicy tidbits out of them. My excitement was amplified after reading this article about George Bush Sr.’s arsenal of zingers he was supplied with for his 1992 debate with Bill Clinton, who coincidentally is running again this year as a stealth nominee.

Things didn’t go too well for Bush, and I guess the experience soured debates forever because I was very disappointed in the lack of jibs and jabs between the two candidates. Only Romney’s comment about being told a lie over and over again came close, and he had to throw his kids under the campaign bus to land it.

Don’t get discouraged though, we know how much Biden loves his zingers, and I hear Ryan is gathering a posse in preparation for a street-spilling slap fight* should things go south for him. So keep this guide and your fact checkers handy as things are bound to really get good.


 *Speaking of which, things have been really rough in Greece right now, and a debate made news this past June when a spokesman from the Golden Dawn (Neo-Nazi**) party launched into an enraged slap fight on television. 

**Like I said, it’s really rough over there.

What, you’ve never heard of the Asian Palm Civet and its poop coffee?