Pop Quiz: Guess what topic of research was reported on in the most recent issue of ‘Marine Pollution Bulletin’.
was it:
a)
Cake, and why it’s good for you.
b)
Are preteens too young for bloodsports?
c)
How badly we suck at keeping the ocean clean.

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If you guessed A or B, you are excused from the internet. You may leave.

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Caffeine, a recognized contaminant of marine systems, was found to be at elevated levels in Oregon’s coastal ocean in a recent study. That’s nothing terribly new, mind you, caffeine is everywhere, from the Mediterranean to the Pacific (and even higher levels have been found in the past such as in Boston Harbor). Caffeine has not yet had an obvious effect on marine life, beyond inducing cellular stress on organisms such as Mussels, but it does act as a tracer for other human pollutants. Meaning if elevated levels of caffeine are present, most likely other pollutants are there too. Personal care products, pharmaceuticals, hormones, detergents etc. The interesting find however was that there was an inverse correlation between areas of population density and suspect caffeine pollution sites and elevated levels of caffeine in the water. That points to the possibility that larger areas with better sewage treatment allow less caffeine in to the water than smaller treatment areas such as household septic tanks. So basically it shouldn’t alter your daily routine much.

Coffee, nectar of the gods, as you all know by now, is awesome and drinking more of it will make you live longer. Well, it seems that way anyway, and I’m not about to argue against the bean. I love my morning Joe as much as the next guy, and living at a regular pace without it doesn’t seem likely in the near future.

With that in mind maybe, just maybe, since we’ve been adding stimulants to water for quite some time now, pissed off marine life might not have any added energy to rise up to claim their reign of well deserved bloody revenge. Caffein’s diminishing return curve has probably left them all chasing the dragon like the rest of us zombies, desperately trying to get just a bit more jolt to find motivation to get moving in the morning, or swim straight, or whatever it is that fish do in the morning. I don’t know, I lack the energy to look it up… Is anyone doing a coffee run?