Bathroom Break

by Maki on July 18, 2012 at 8:18 am

The above happened to me at work long ago. I only wish I could have escaped so easily. There are unspoken rules regarding using a public restroom. Unspoken until they are broken anyway.

1. Don’t get in the stall right next to somebody else. Comfort zones are much larger when bathroom faculties are involved.

1a. If there are no available stalls in accordance to this rule, and prohibiting a dire bathroom emergency, come back at a later time. Try the “Fly By” maneuver. Go in and quickly scope out the stall situation. If there are no available stalls per Rule 1, wash your hands and leave, as if that was what you came in to do in the first place. If you’re really quick, you can merely swoop in and out as if you walked into the wrong room.

The Fly By is a safe and graceful way to “check in” without making the current occupants wonder if you’re peeking into stall gaps or counting shoes.

2. Don’t talk to anybody. Do not disturb the monk-like silence and contemplation that comes with letting your body do what it has to do. Also, any interjecting noises emanating from these monastic cells are unbefitting of civil conversation.

Also, c’mon, I’m trying to poop here. There are things falling out of me and you want to chit chat? Please stop.

Thanks

This public service announcement was brought to you by Plutonium (PU).

Special thanks to @_stephanieleroy and @Mowgli3 for what was probably my first twitter conversation about pooping. I know right? How did that go unchecked for so long?

Acknowledgements to Mqrius, Derpface, and Mephane.

└ Tags: bathroom, etiquette, poop

zach

Not long ago, I was complaining about a similar incident to my wife (he tried to use my stall, I said “occupied!” No harm, no foul, but after apologizing, he kept talking! “Sure is hot out there today, hug?” What are you doing we’re both pooping!). He had clearly, I said, broken bathroom ettiquite.

She looked at me like I was crazy. Apparently, women’s restrooms are a lot more chatty.
- Derpface
  
  Well yes, that’s why they go in pairs.
  That and exchanging long protein strings.
- http://sci-ence.org Maki
  
  The typo makes your restroom exchange that much weirder
  - MisTakes
    
    IMO no typo
    “I told my wife : “he (some guy) did this and that…”
    took me a while to understand this and not the wife that talked…
    
    /regards/
    
    oh, and I agree mostly.
    - jkono29
      
      The word “hug” is definitely a typo.
- Kiryn
  
  As a geek girl, I tend to follow this form of bathroom etiquette and find that sort of stereotypical women’s bathroom behavior abhorrent. Working at a game company, it seems most of the other women agree with me, as the bathroom is usually very quiet.
  
  But occasionally, there will be a couple of girls in the bathroom who are carrying on a gossipy conversation with each other while one or both of them are on the toilet. It’s the most awkward thing ever. I’m always afraid that one of them will try to talk to me, but it hasn’t happened yet, thank goodness.
Mephane

While I completely agree on the conclusion, I find the reasoning lacking. It is not the special bathroom noises that disturb any conversation, it is any conversation that disturbs what would otherwise be a moment of monk-like silence and contemplation while you let your body do what it has to.

I tend to keep the silence even if someone else disturbs it. I don’t even respond to a short greeting at the sinks near the exit. The door to the restroom is a portal into a place of eternal silence. If someone feels the need to ramble on about most recent bullshit (not literally, which is ironic in the circumstance), they should at least have the decency to wait until we are out of this sanctuary.

Which means giving us a chance to stay just a bit longer so that they are already too far away to bother us when we exit the area, too.*

*Deliberate desynchronization of one’s one speed in certain mundane tasks, like going to the bathroom or walking along the pavement is the key to avoiding the general awkwardness that results from the mere presence of other people.
dfjdejulio

I think there’s an exception to #2, where if they layout of the bathroom forces you to make eye contact with someone when one of you is entering and the other is exiting (with regard to the bathroom itself, not a subdivision of it), one of the meaningless social “I acknowledge that you exist” utterances is required at least 38% of the time.

But it’s possible that I’ve been overthinking this.
Derpface

“1. Don’t get in the stall right next to somebody else. Comfort zones are much larger when bathroom faculties are involved.”

Unless there is an insufficient number of free stalls.
- http://sci-ence.org Maki
  
  Unless it’s an emergency, you come back later. This is what a “Fly By” is for. You go in, quickly check the stall situation, and if unfavorable, you leave. All in one swift motion, as if you entered the wrong door. (I’m not making this up, btw. THERE ARE RULES!)
  - Mqrius
    
    Actually, you have a choice there. You can also walk to the sink, wash your hands, and then leave.
    - http://sci-ence.org Maki
      
      Damn, you’re right. Can’t believe I forgot that!
Mqrius

For people that need practice:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal
http://profiles.google.com/johnrplatt John Platt

I love, love, love it when I hear someone having a cellphone conversation from inside the stall next to me! Augh!
Lachouette

Funny. I was aware of urinal etiquette for men and that made sense to me but I didn’t consider it to be rude to take the stall next to someone, as you can’t see each other then. Most bathrooms at my university have only two stalls which means you could only ever use one at a time. Also I don’t think the sound is much less in the stall after the next. That said, talking to others is indeed really awkward!
http://madfishmarket.etsy.com Madfishmonger

I went to see a foreign movie (Tony Jaa’s the Protector) in a movie theatre at the late show. When I got out, there was almost no one around. I went in to the bathroom and just as I sat down another woman came in chatting on her phone. With 30 stalls available, she takes the one right next to me and proceeds to spend her toilet time telling her friend how the movie was all in “thigh” and you had to read the movie and how stupid was that. I have never peed so fast, I knew there was no way I could laugh so she wouldn’t hear me. I nearly fell over when I finally got out of the bathroom and met up with my friend.
- http://insolenz.echoing.org SotiCoto
  
  Irrelevant aside: I love that film. I love it in a special way reserved for very few films.
  What I don’t love is how it has a whole slew of different names dependant on country.
zibba

when staying at a hotel, I always find one secluded empty public bathroom (as to not destroy the non-ventilated one in the room) to become my sanctuary. Always, ALWAYS (conformation bias) someone comes in within the next 30 seconds and takes the stall next to me.
http://insolenz.echoing.org SotiCoto

Gross violation of Man-Law.

Still not sure whether conversing between stalls is worse or not than conversing at adjacent urinals. Even using adjacent urinals is taboo… but trying to chat whilst doing so is THE most offensive thing.
Piss-troughs are different though. Different ruleset.

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